Monday, August 2, 2010

How to Make Use of Glow-in-the-Dark (or not...)

In case anyone was wondering, the Glow-in-the-Dark fad is still alive and going strong. Take these amazing sneakers for example:

Can you imagine rocking these at a club after a few basketball runs at the gym or a gnarly session of skateboarding? Apart from the stench, I'm sure you'll be breaking some necks with these babies!

What else would be good given the glow-in-the-dark treatment? Here're my Top 5:

You can always find them in the heat of the moment. (And so can your partner if your member is of limited stature... or it could just be really, really dark...)

#4 Glow-in-the-Dark Pepper Stray
Not only will it blind your assailant, the glow will spread as he (or she) tries to rub the sting from his (or her) eyes, making him (or her) a clear target for capture.

#3 Glow-in-the-Dark Popcorn
Have you ever lost popcorn underneath the sofa? Well with glow-in-the-dark popcorn, you'll know exactly where the stray kernel is and pick it out with ease!

#2 Glow-in-the-Dark Snow
Just imagine: Skating on a glowing sheet of green ice... Snow-cones that look radioactive... White by day, eerie by night Frosty the Snowmen... Snowball fights at night... Best part is, the snow can absorb all the light it needs to glow like a mofo when nightfalls. The possibilities are endless!

#1 Glow-in-the-Dark Serum
Drinking this will make all of your bodily fluids glow in the dark, which will make for:
a) A wicked party trick; can you imagine blowing glow-in-the-dark saliva bubbles at a club? You'll be an absolute chick (or dude) magnet!
b) If you have pale skin, an instant Halloween costume as your entire blood circuit can be seen glowing from beneath your skin
c) Easy clean-up after ejaculation, premature or otherwise
d) If you spike someone's drink with it, a hilarious practical joke when he (or she) returns from the bathroom with his crotch area glowing from piss

Sigh... if only Zinc Sulfide and Strontium Aluminate were edible...

(P.S. This is what the sneakers look like in the day. **Yawn**)

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