Saturday, July 31, 2010
Things I Don't Know About and May Never Find Out Episode 1: McDonald's French Fries
Why is it so tasty? What is the secret ingredient? Is there a secret ingredient, or is it just potato? Do they fry it in pig oil? Will I ever be able to make it at home? Why does it taste like crap once it gets cold? If I ask for unsalted fries, do they spit in it? Does McDonald's have their own farm? How many potatoes do they buy and make into fries every year? How much does fries really cost McDonald's? How much fries can you eat at one sitting before you flat-line? Why is it yellow and not golden like they claim it to be? Will McDonald's ever come up with an "all-you-can-eat" serving of fries? How will they price it? Will McDonald's ever go with organic potatoes to make their fries? Will it still taste the same? Do large fries really have more fries than medium fries? Or is it just an optical illusion achieved by the height of the iconic red cardboard sleeve they come in? How come McDonald's never run out of fries? If potatoes were to go the way of the Dodo bird, can McDonald's still survive? What will they come up with as an alternative? Fried yam sticks? If Burger King, Jack in the Box, Carl's Jr, Inn 'n Out et al controlled all the potato in the world, can they threaten McDonald's? Why does McDonald's still have to do marketing? Does McDonald's pay for the Happy Meal toy licenses, or do the license holders give it to them for free as a promotional vehicle? Will there ever be an iPhone app that tells me which McDonald's closest to my current location has just fried up a fresh batch of fries? Where are fries made? Which is more secret: KFC's original recipe or McDonald's French fries? If Danny Ocean had to form a new team to steal McDonald's French fries recipe, how many and who'd he recruit and why? Will they fail because McDonald's French fries is in fact more secretive than KFC's original recipe? Will Ethan Hunt have a better chance? Jason Borne? Dora the Explorer? What if the secret recipe required a ritual which sacrificed virgins? Will McDonald's still be allowed to make 'em? Will you still eat it if they were? What if it was a scam? Who do you think would be smart enough to stage such a sabotage? Jack? Burger King? The Colonel? Carl? Gordon Ramsey?