Saturday, July 24, 2010

How to Start a Fight?

Recently, I have felt a steady build up of anger and hate within me, just waiting for some sort of release. The most sought after form of release is to get into a good old-fashioned fist fight with ANYBODY:

Ugly People
When I see beautiful women with butt-ugly men, a little voice in my head boom, "Hey! Hey you! Yeah, you with the Maserati convertible, tight white Versace pants, receding hairline and monkey syphilis testicled face! What's your ugly ass doing with a beautiful young thing like her? You a pedophile? Oh you goin' sue my slandering ass? Well I'm goin' BEAT your rich ass down!" Alas, even a booming little voice is not loud enough to escape the inner recesses of my highly developed brain...

On our way out of the Grand Cinema, my girlfriend spotted some teenagers leaving three buckets of unfinished popcorn at their seats. She had to hold me back from shoving those punk-asses and going, "Hey! Hey you! Yeah, you with the half-skin-head-half-comb-over haircut, you with the Lolita shit on and you with the expensive clothing that you can not possibly afford unless you whored! Those are sixty-dollar popcorns you're leaving behind! Pick up after your damn selves before I shove every single piece of that popped corn up your respective orifices! Except you with the queer haircut... I don't want you enjoying the process." Good thing my girlfriend was there...

I was waiting for the train the other day and somebody behind me grazed my backpack repeatedly. The grazing grew so incessant that I had to fight the urge to spin around and go, "Hey! Hey you! Yeah, you in them nerdy glasses and suspenders! Quit shoving into me and back the f*@& off before I punch your face in!" I did turn around though, and saw this chap wearing tight Versace pants, half-skin-head-half-comb-over haircut flicking popcorn at me. Lucky that queer-ass grazer was muscular, or I'da kicked his ass all the way back to California Fitness!

Editor Note #1:
I could tell that grazer was muscular just by his head! Some people have that... You know, that muscular looking head where the neck is wider than where the ears are, and the head is more square than round? One look at the head and you be like, "Lucky mofo! Saved yourself a beatdown!"

Editor Note #2:
I don't know if this happens to you, but when I'm all riled up and thinking of "fight-talk", it always comes out darker... in the racial sense I mean.

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